Things My Mother Said!

On a whim, I started documenting these quips and anecdotes from my mother several weeks ago and then noticed that Mother's Day was near! Lucky me!

My mother was an amazing person, a mom, a wife, a teacher, a commercial cook and toward the end of her career, she designed several commercial kitchens for an assisted living company.

But, mostly, I remember her laugh and sense of humor, which I proudly claim as part of my inheritance!

So here goes!

Getting four kids up and ready for school was no small feat and many times it started with this exhortation, "Rise and shine! It’s daylight in the swamp!" I'm guessing my sons may recognize that one, as well!

This one, she often attributed to her dad. When there happened to be an extra kid/kids or other hangers-on at meal time, her quip was,"Nevermind about the food! There's plenty more in the cellar under a teacup!"  And I can't ever remember running out of food!

Many of you have heard the fast food restaurant mantra, "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean." My mom had her own version of it. If she saw you slacking on the job, at home or at the nursing home, where we both work for several years, I'd hear, "Make yourself useful, as well as so ornamental!" I never did figure out if that that last clause was a compliment or not!

Despite having three siblings, I did manage to get some special attention from mom occasionally. One of the most memorable times was her telling me the first dirty joke I ever heard from either of my parents!

 She used to sew occasionally. It wasn't her first choice of activities, but with four kids, at least mending was in order. One day she was putting away all her gear, looked at me and said, "Do you know what you get if you circumcise a guy with pinking shears?" holding a pair of those unique scissors. Suffice it to say, I didn't not and admitted it! She replied, "He ends up with a frilly dilly!" 

I was shocked, stunned and then convulsed! I never let her forget it! For the rest of our lives together, if she was giving me a bad time, I'd simply remind her of "the joke" and my troubles would end! 

Another time, I was probably 8 or 9 and I thought up what I deemed a very clever idea. I ran into the house, found her and panted, "Mom! I have a GREAT idea!" Her reply, with not a millisecond of hesitation? "Take care of it, it's in a strange place!" (I'm sure that figured into at least one counseling session later in life!) 

But, my ALL time favorite reply to a question of mine, I didn't appreciate until I was much older! It took a few years of mature to realize the great gift my mom gave me.

I was an absolute love of books. I had a library card by the time I was in third grade and I made GREAT use of it! I started taking piano lessons (which my mom bartered for housework at the music teacher's home, bless her heart). The piano. teacher lived about a mile from the brand new Fort Vancouver Regional Library. So when my music lesson was done, I would walk to the library and hang out there, sometimes for a couple of hours, until my mom would pick me up. 

Every week, I would check out the maximum number of books allowed by the library and haul them home. And they all got read! 

One day, I was in the middle of reading a book on car racing and I was confused about the name of one of the races, the Monte Carlo Grand Prix. It was clearly a foreign language, but my mom would know what it meant…she always did!

I walked into the kitchen and said, "Mom, what does "grand pricks" mean?" She looked up from the sink where she was washing dishes, and with only the slightest flicker of a grin, she said, "Well, it's French for "grand prize" and it is pronounced, "grawn pree." And she turned back to washing dishes, her shoulders shaking slightly. I ran back to my room feeling much smarter and not in the least embarrassed by my ignorance!

It was years later when I realized that her response was very kind to a kid's self-image. It's a serious question to me and even though it cracked her up, her instinct was to reward my curiosity!

Geez, I miss my mom!